Ch 20: Losing track of every mask

Aribella POV

The walk outside of the gates left a bad taste in my mouth.

In the book, it mentioned very little about the background of the royal guard. I knew there was a treaty created between humans and vampires a hundred years ago, but other than that, the story mostly followed Emrys’s point of view and his getting revenge on Mael for murdering Rhory.

I suppose the world I came from was full of hateful people just like this one, but I’ve never understood why people choose to hate someone solely for who they were when they were born.

Kaelar didn’t choose to be a vampire. Or maybe he did? Either way, as long as he’s not out there hurting anyone, why hate him? There are plenty of bad humans in the world, yet we choose not to hate humanity as a whole because that’s ignorant.

And shame on those parents for teaching their children that the members of the royal guard were monsters!

My stuff was delivered at some point during the day, but I didn’t care to focus on unpacking anything or even digging out my notebook. I couldn’t think straight if I tried.

“I miss music,” I groaned out loud. If I were back in my life as Charlotte, I’d be dancing around the kitchen while Stephan wasn’t at home, singing until my lungs ached as I cleaned. Music was an outlet for me, and now… I’m stuck in silence.

Silence means my thoughts are louder than the noise around me, and that can become dangerous quickly.

I swing open my door, seeing Kaelar posted just outside, “Would you mind accompanying me around again?”

A part of me felt badly for dragging Kaelar around like a dog, but if Rhory felt that I’d be safer with him by my side, I refused to question that.

“Where would you like to go?”

“Anywhere but that room,” I whispered, toying with the bracelet on my wrist.

Kaelar’s brows pinched together for a fraction of a second before he nodded and began walking. We moved through the castle, passing other guards and maids before finding a rear exit. He opened the door for me, and I walked outside to see the Koi Pond and garden that sits just below my window.

Smoothing down the back of my dress, I sat on the edge of a rock beside the pond. Bright orange and white fish swam just below the surface, and I dragged my fingers through the crystalline water.

“Fancy seeing you out here,” Mael’s voice destroyed the comfortable silence in an instant.

“I came out for some fresh air,” I plastered a fake smile on my face. “What about you? Why have you found yourself out here?”

“I happened to be passing by, and a beautiful woman caught my eye,” he winked, and I forced another smile, adding a soft chuckle for effect. “Is that so?”

“How do you find the gardens? And the grounds?” Mael sat an arms-length away, but still too close for comfort. "I heard that Mr. Itsuki took you through the town."

“It’s beautiful here,” I glanced around, meaning every word. “The castle is decorated tastefully. The grounds have some of the most beautiful foliage I’ve ever seen, and the greenhouse is spectacular. Sacaris was full of surprises, but it's a quaint little town with good people.”

“I’ll have to let my father know how pleased you are with our Kingdom.”

“Where is the King?” I questioned, maintaining brief eye contact before turning away to look back at the fish. I wish I were one of them. Swimming freely without a care in the world.

“He’s been travelling to our overseas nations for the past few months. It’s imperative that we keep a good relationship with outside nations in the event of war,” Mael explained, and I felt his eyes burning the side of my face. “But I’m sure political nonsense isn’t something you care to hear about.”

“Actually,” I force my face towards his, “I look forward to learning everything there is to know about Sacaris.”

“You just focus on being a pretty face and let us men deal with the hard stuff,” he winked, and I imagined that line would cause many women to swoon, but I only feel repulsed. I don’t want to just be a pretty face. I don’t want to sit on my ass and do nothing.

That’s precisely how I got into this mess.

“Mr. Whitehall,” Reo appears out of nowhere, “Your presence has been requested in the meeting room.”

“Lovely,” Mael’s tone was less than thrilled, but I was breathing a sigh of relief at his impending exit. “It was lovely chatting with you, Aribella Voss. Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?”

I forced another smile, “Of course,” I chirped, turning my attention to Reo, “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Likewise, Ms. Voss,” he replies smoothly. “I’ll see you around then.”

I nodded with a smile, holding my posture until the two of them are out of sight before allowing my shoulders to slump.

Not once did I consider the mental strain this would have on me. Faking it every moment of every day. I wore a mask in the past, but it was just one. Here, I feel like I’m going to lose track of all the people I’m meant to be before I ever make it to the one person I want to be.

I’m not sure how long I sat beside the small pond watching the fish swim, but the growling in my stomach interrupted the silence, and I let out another sigh, not wishing to leave this spot.

The sun felt warm against my skin, and the tranquility I felt watching the fish was the most peace I’d experienced in some time. Out here, all alone, I didn’t have to pretend to be anything.

I suppose I wasn’t entirely alone, but I didn’t think Kaelar could care less about what I was doing or who I was pretending to be in the moment. He never spoke a word about the changes in my personality, if he even noticed, and that brought me a sense of comfort that I didn’t feel like I had with anyone else inside these walls.

As the sun dipped behind the trees, and my stomach screamed at me for the second time, I stood, giving a single glance to the fish before heading back to Kaelar where he was posted at the doors, “I apologize for keeping you out here so long.”

“It’s my job, Ms. Voss,” his response was quick, and he pulled the door open, allowing the cool breeze from inside the castle to chill my burnt cheeks.

“Please, call me Ari,” a small frown tugged at my lips. “Ms. Voss is too proper.”

“You are engaged to the Grand Duke.”

My shoulders fell again, and I muttered, “Don’t remind me.”